1019 University Ave
Suite 204
Honolulu, HI 96826
Dear Brown Bags To Stardom,
I've watched Brown Bags To Stardom many times before. It's very interesting to watch all the different variety of music videos from the state's youth, also too see what kind of talent they have to offer. It gives high school students a chance to show off their creative ability, and musicality. Brown Bags To Stardom not only makes the high school proud if your video's are shown on the program, but it makes the community proud of their alama mater as well.
Moanalua High School recently had an outstanding talent show on November 21st and they announced oc16's Brown Bags To Stardom was going to air the Moanalua talent show on Sunday, November 30, 2008 at seven thirty. I had many friends that performed in the talent show, let alone one of my friends was in the group that won the talent show. My friends and I waited all week to watch our classmates perform on television, which the whole state would be seeing.
To come and find out they showed clips of the talent show, I would say two to three minutes of each performance. The audience who wasn't actually at the talent show wouldn't be able to see the performance the same way we the students saw it. the talent show performers who's parents were not at the talent show wouldn't be able to see their child's full length performance. Moanalua wanted to show off our talented student body, but how can we when we are only featured in the show for not even ten minutes? The talent show performers feel like the audience wasn't able to see the amount of talent they brought forward. To me I was disappointed, because I felt like the performers didn't get to show their full talent in front of a television audience.
Sincerely,
Kristy Tamashiro
4 comments:
Although, I didn't get to watch the Brown Bags To Stardom segment on Moanalua High School talent show. I expected it to be better than how you explained it.
Whats the point of showing only a few seconds when these performers gave it their all. I bet you weren't the only one disappointed. Unfortunately, the performers must be more down. Hopefully, the producer will realize what the audience was looking forward too, and this incident will not happen again.
Good Job.
:]
The show was at 7:30 p.m.? I totally forgot.
Well anyway, I agree that our school talent show should be able to be seen, full-length, on OC16; instead of it being only about, 5 minutes? What treachery.
Other than how well you explained this, you have made your point very clearly. You understood how our letters are used to convince these companies/cooperations that we need more or less that what we are given. I hope that your letter is able to let the producer rethink his producing on future episodes.
Good Job!
I dont know why jacie commented you because i was supposed to, and i dont see her stuff up yet.
You and megan both did a good job of getting straight to the point and bringing up examples to prove what was so annoying to you, or upsetting. however, I advise the same thing i advised megan. LIGHTNING WORDS. the key to a good voice, which is what angry letter is about, is good lightning words. some like: upsetting, ridiculous, shocking. you did however use one word i really liked, DISSAPOINTED. haha that should come through to your reader.
Hi Kristy,
Like your three commentaries, I think you did a nice job on your letter. May I ask that you guys figure out and correct the commentary assignments, though. If not, one of your members will not have the required commentaries.
Then, despite Courtney's recommendations for "lightning words" I would caution against using words like "ridiculous" and "shocking" unless extremely necessary. These words can unnecessarily anger people, actually making it harder for you to get your message across. Imagine if someone called you "ridiculous"...wouldn't you be a bit distracted from listening reasonable to their arguments after they used a word like that to describe you or your actions?
Then...I would check back on whatever documents or memos you have that give the exact wording on what you were to expect from the production...you may actually find it on their website. Then, quote that wording for your support as well.
Good examples of how parents, friends, and the performers themselves were disappointed by the show.
mrs s
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