Coming of Age
Two weeks of praying, waiting, and hoping. Trying to think positive, and staying optimistic. I remember it like it was yesterday. Waiting anxiously for school to end, edging off my chair more every second, and looking at the clock constantly. Finally, I thought to myself, the chance to see my friends, to converse with them finally after a long day of school. “Ring, Ring, Ring.” That sweet sound I’ve been waiting for all day has finally come.
I step outside the door to the warm smiles of my friends greeting me. Getting ready to tell me all the drama the day brought, all the news they just discovered. “Kris you won’t believe what we found out!” “Corey and Tiffany…” My mind wondered off the oh so titanic news, as I could feel a slight tickle in my thigh. It was my phone vibrating in my pocket. I hesitated for a split second, but I opened my phone and saw my mom was calling. “Sorry guys, but I seriously gotta take this call.” They all stared at me, thinking how I could interrupt news like this, “Yeah whatever just don’t take too long with that call.”
I answered my phone slowly, thinking to myself why is my mom calling? She never calls me. “Hello mom?” In those five seconds of ominous complete silence, I knew right there and then something was wrong. I repeated myself, “Mom? Hello are you there?” Finally a reply. I heard a dispirited voice come upon the phone. “Kris, yes I’m here.” “Mom what’s wrong?” The news I was about to find out would change me dramatically. “Uncle Mike, he was diagnosed with a brain aneurism.” She started to mumble, I couldn’t understand anything she was saying. “Mom, mom slow down, what’s going to happen?” “Well, he’s not doing so well, he’s in a hospital near his house in Seattle.”
As soon as I heard those words, I dropped to the ground, letting go of my phone to see it descend from my hand to hit the concrete floor. I was bawling, tears falling from my face like there was no tomorrow. My friends grabbed me and picked me off my limp legs. My best friend grabbed a tissue, as she wiped away my tears of fear, and sadness, I told her everything. They didn’t know how long he was going to be able to last. I thought the world was going to come to an end. I prayed with her, asking God to please help my Uncle, bless him over the following days and weeks. After that I called my mom, and asked her to come and get me, I just wanted to be with my family.
The next two weeks were the hardest for my family. Especially for my grandma, she had already lost her husband, my grandpa. She was devastated from losing him. How could she see her son go too? My family became closer together, and stronger. We had family dinners and prayed for Uncle Mike as often as we could. The bad news wasn’t easy to hear, but about four days later, we got a call in the middle of the night. My mom comes in my room,” Uncle Mike is home now, he’s healthy enough to be at home.” I thanked God for looking over him immediately. I thought everything had cooled down, and that this was just a false alarm.
As my family thought everything was getting better, we were blind sided with more dreadful news. My Uncle was back in the hospital, in critical condition. I felt so shocked, so lost, I felt hopeless. Like what can I do to help him, he’s all the way in Seattle? My family became closer together than ever before. We bonded over this situation. Not taking a day for granted. We got together as much as we could. My family that lived in Washington was hurt. They wanted the whole family just to be with them up there at a time like this. Although we all wanted to be there to support them through a time like this we couldn’t.
Later that week, we got the news that devastated us all. My Uncle Mike had passed away. I got the news at home at dinnertime. My mom had told me the news. As soon as she told me, it felt like time had stopped. That’s the only thing that I could think about at that time. All I thought about was how my Aunty and cousins were doing in Washington. I thought about how now my Uncle wouldn’t join us anymore for Christmas’, no more Thanksgivings, no more visits from Uncle Mike. But I knew that he would always be there for me in my heart. I knew that he was in a better place now. After my Uncle Mike died, I learned to be more appreciative. You never know when something so important to you could just be gone in a flash. Never take anyone for granted.
Two weeks of praying, waiting, and hoping. Trying to think positive, and staying optimistic. I remember it like it was yesterday. Waiting anxiously for school to end, edging off my chair more every second, and looking at the clock constantly. Finally, I thought to myself, the chance to see my friends, to converse with them finally after a long day of school. “Ring, Ring, Ring.” That sweet sound I’ve been waiting for all day has finally come.
I step outside the door to the warm smiles of my friends greeting me. Getting ready to tell me all the drama the day brought, all the news they just discovered. “Kris you won’t believe what we found out!” “Corey and Tiffany…” My mind wondered off the oh so titanic news, as I could feel a slight tickle in my thigh. It was my phone vibrating in my pocket. I hesitated for a split second, but I opened my phone and saw my mom was calling. “Sorry guys, but I seriously gotta take this call.” They all stared at me, thinking how I could interrupt news like this, “Yeah whatever just don’t take too long with that call.”
I answered my phone slowly, thinking to myself why is my mom calling? She never calls me. “Hello mom?” In those five seconds of ominous complete silence, I knew right there and then something was wrong. I repeated myself, “Mom? Hello are you there?” Finally a reply. I heard a dispirited voice come upon the phone. “Kris, yes I’m here.” “Mom what’s wrong?” The news I was about to find out would change me dramatically. “Uncle Mike, he was diagnosed with a brain aneurism.” She started to mumble, I couldn’t understand anything she was saying. “Mom, mom slow down, what’s going to happen?” “Well, he’s not doing so well, he’s in a hospital near his house in Seattle.”
As soon as I heard those words, I dropped to the ground, letting go of my phone to see it descend from my hand to hit the concrete floor. I was bawling, tears falling from my face like there was no tomorrow. My friends grabbed me and picked me off my limp legs. My best friend grabbed a tissue, as she wiped away my tears of fear, and sadness, I told her everything. They didn’t know how long he was going to be able to last. I thought the world was going to come to an end. I prayed with her, asking God to please help my Uncle, bless him over the following days and weeks. After that I called my mom, and asked her to come and get me, I just wanted to be with my family.
The next two weeks were the hardest for my family. Especially for my grandma, she had already lost her husband, my grandpa. She was devastated from losing him. How could she see her son go too? My family became closer together, and stronger. We had family dinners and prayed for Uncle Mike as often as we could. The bad news wasn’t easy to hear, but about four days later, we got a call in the middle of the night. My mom comes in my room,” Uncle Mike is home now, he’s healthy enough to be at home.” I thanked God for looking over him immediately. I thought everything had cooled down, and that this was just a false alarm.
As my family thought everything was getting better, we were blind sided with more dreadful news. My Uncle was back in the hospital, in critical condition. I felt so shocked, so lost, I felt hopeless. Like what can I do to help him, he’s all the way in Seattle? My family became closer together than ever before. We bonded over this situation. Not taking a day for granted. We got together as much as we could. My family that lived in Washington was hurt. They wanted the whole family just to be with them up there at a time like this. Although we all wanted to be there to support them through a time like this we couldn’t.
Later that week, we got the news that devastated us all. My Uncle Mike had passed away. I got the news at home at dinnertime. My mom had told me the news. As soon as she told me, it felt like time had stopped. That’s the only thing that I could think about at that time. All I thought about was how my Aunty and cousins were doing in Washington. I thought about how now my Uncle wouldn’t join us anymore for Christmas’, no more Thanksgivings, no more visits from Uncle Mike. But I knew that he would always be there for me in my heart. I knew that he was in a better place now. After my Uncle Mike died, I learned to be more appreciative. You never know when something so important to you could just be gone in a flash. Never take anyone for granted.
3 comments:
Sup braddah Kristy,
I really enjoyed how you explained the way you felt and the way you acted when you heard the news that your uncle was in the hostpital. I think that your essay flowed very well because you everything was in order and well organized. As i was reading your paper i noticed that you have alot of personality, i you explain how you feel very nicely when you found out that your uncle died. There were many words that really matched what you were trying to explain for example (felt like time had stopped). I did not see any grammer or punctuaition errors.
Some thigs i think that could be worked on is maybe if you could add a little more lightening words. When you explain what you felt when you heard the bad news you could explain what you looked like and maybe your friends reactions.
Sincerely, Lorene
Hi Kristy,
Your essay was really touching. I actually felt like I was there. I guess it was because you put a lot of detail into it. Your ideas were well supported by your details. The organization of your piece was done very well. I pretty sure that if someone read this, they would be able to follow it very easily...
Yeah...um...I thought your word choice, sentence fluency, and conventions & presentations were done very well.
--Collin Yabusaki
Hi Kristy,
Your family must have been close to your Uncle Mike, and his being in Seattle made the crisis even more difficult.
For your revision, think about the purpose of the essay--you are sharing a COA experience.
You mention this at the end of the essay, "I learned to be more appreciative" along with the idea of not taking things for granted.
You need to show/prove that you changed in that way after Uncle Mike's death.
You provide some details to show how the family felt about Uncle Mike, but you also need to show why they felt that way--what memories do you have of him at Christmas, Thanksgiving, and other visits? Describing these (show, not tell) will support your thesis about not taking things for granted.
In your revision, see if you can be more selective about what to include. The entire first paragraph might be deleted as it doesn't really deal with taking things for granted, I think.
Let me know if you have questions...
mrs s
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